Goodbye a Not so Happy Year

It has been around eight months since I’ve lost my mother, a day that I doubt I will ever forget. In the heat of the moment everything happened so fast, from her death, to doing the paperwork, the funeral and the days that follow. To me it seemed like I was simply going through a nightmare, not accepting the truth of the matter. To me my mom was still alive but just hospitalized, a thought which sometimes helps ease my pain even today.

After it all happened I went through a vulnerable moment in my life where people from everywhere were giving me their “support” and “grieving” with me. Soon after I realized that some were simply taking advantage of my vulnerability to pursue their own ways in things. I realized that the closest real supporters I had were those distant in far away places.

I made some mistakes trusting several of those people that are supposedly close to me. Trusting them so much that opened my heart to them and they gave me their concocted backing. In a way I am grateful for what they did because it helped me see the wolves that they really were under that sheep clothing.

Just less than a month follows and it is my birthday. A day which my mom would surprise me when I would wake up with a cake she had secretly bought the previous night. A fond memory that I sorely missed this year.

Then her birthday comes up, a day which I used to ensure she would enjoy worry free from all the things she used to be occupied with. This year it was just a day for memories to return and occupy my mind with her memories, hoping and praying that she is in a better place.

Till this day I have my moments of sadness and sorrow, moments of anger and hate towards the deceitful ones, happiness and thankfulness for those standing beside me along the way. It made me realize that in a world full of hate there are those few that can clear it all up and make things happy again.

I feel like I am slowly picking the pieces and fitting them back in place in the puzzle that is me. I feel that I can start thinking once again of my dreams and achieve them. Who knows I may have a new beginning at a completely different place with those that truly love me for who I am. Anything and anywhere that keeps my distance from those affecting me negatively. The doors of opportunities are slowly opening, it’s now up to me to take that first step through them.

Here is to a prosperous and happier year to come for me, and a prosperous and happy new year to all the good people around the world.

Happy New Year!

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